The encroaching darkness
by toilet-ducky
Summary: Four years after new moon and Edward comes back for Bella, but what will he find. ANd who will he find her with? IF you enjoy this story please view Learning to breath; where we find out how Bella and Jasper found each other aaw
1. Chapter 1

Bella POV

Edward….

_I wake up breathing his name, already knowing that he's not here. _

_He won't come back._

_Arms slide around my waist, as lethargic kisses are planted on my shoulders, drawing me back into the mess of covers._

"_Bella. You okay love?"_

_I look down upon the man that shares my bed, and I can feel my heart splintering into yet more pieces. He doesn't really need to ask. We both know what I just said. Vampires hear everything, and they never forget._

"_What? Oh I'm fine Jasper. Just a nightmare, that's all." _

_I lay back down, placing my head over his dead heart. My fingers fan out trying to cover of much of his naked chest as possible. The body of ice cooling my sweltering skin. He traces inconsequential shapes across my back, as I feel a wave of lethargy permeate my senses. He's just as scared about facing it as I am._

_He may have left me but Edward doesn't stop hounding my dreams. They have become less frequent with time, but they never stop._

_He never vanishes._

"_You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It'll be as if I'd never existed."_

_If only. _

_Everything changed after Edward left._

_I changed after Edward left._

_I am no longer Isabella Swan. Edward took that girl when he left._

_I am now Belle Whitlock._

_I stare down at the glittering rock on my finger. _

_Thick and gold, the diamond a reflection of his skin_

_Isabella would hate it._

_Belle doesn't. She enjoys the weight of it on her finger. Reminding her of the commitment she's made. They've made. _

_And I can't even tell my mother and father. _

_I haven't really spoken to Charlie in months; and haven't seen him properly in years. After the whole Edward fiasco, I completely switched off, letting auto-pilot take over. I went to school, I came back from school. That was it. I probably still cooked but I can't remember, all I do know is that it felt like I was staring into a deep pit, knowing with utmost certainty that I would fall into it. _

_I know I wasn't being fair to Charlie. He wasn't really used to living with a teenage girl let alone helping her through a mental breakdown. To be honest he held up better than I expected. lasting three months before sending me back to his ex-wife. I think he thought it would snap me out of it. The threat of Renee putting me on the straight and narrow, but it didn't. I just let him do it. When I left him at the airport, I knew that I was breaking his heart. I felt his arms pull me into his iron grip._

"_I'm sorry Bella. But I don't know what else to do. If I thought we could work this through. If I knew I could help you. Just give me an inkling kid. A small step in the right direction and I'll call it off. You can come back. home" His eyes were beseeching, the iron grip never loosening. But I didn't say a word, boarding the plane silently._

_My relationship with Renee is a little better. Coming home for Christmas and Easter. I've mentioned Jasper in passing, - a guy from class that I have the occasional date with- but know better than to divulge just how serious it is. Since my little breakdown, her hawk eyes have been out making sure that nothing like this happens again. It was impossible to stay silent with my mother. I couldn't stay cooped up in my room as I had done in forks. There was Phil's weekly game to attend. Shopping trips to endure, and movies to watch. I got better; slowly. But I hated it In the heat. I thought that if I got back under the sun everything would return to normal. Edward didn't exist in the sunlight._

_I could forget. But I didn't. I learnt to move on but I still ached for the cold. The dark encompassing clouds. My mother thought I was crazy but after a lot of cajoling she allowed me to apply to the university of Alaska, which readily accepted me into their English course. There was a lot of heated phone calls between forks and Phoenix. Charlie didn't accept my choice of university as quickly as Renee. _

"_That's where __they _cam from. Jesus Christ Renee. They could so easily be there." 

How right he was. He just imagined the wrong Cullen.

"To be fair Charlie, _He _could be almost anywhere on the planet. There's no guarantees that he won't pop in her life at some point, but we can't wrap her up in cotton wool." 

Thankfully he finally relented, but we still don't see much of each other even though Alaska isn't that far away from Forks. I tell myself it's because I'm too busy, or that I'm afraid he's still mad. But the truth is I don't want to step foot in that house again. The thought of my room, still full of memories.

when I wake I don't know if it's day or night. All I know is that I am in the bed alone. He's either hunting or brooding. I don't know which I prefer. I glide through the house of glass, finding myself home alone. At least hunting is productive I suppose. I know he's fallen off the wagon since we have arrived here. A hint of burgundy has bled into his eyes, diluting the startling golden irises. 

Who was it? Did they have a family? Would they be missed? 

I can't help but blame myself. I have shackled him to me, the ever-present thudding of my splintered heart driving him wild. I should just be grateful he hasn't bitten me; yet. He wants to wait. The official motivation is so I will be around the same age as he was when he was _converted_ so to speak. Yet I think his intentions are more noble. He wants me to have as many human experience as possible. He's more like Edward then he thinks.

I find one of Jasper's discarded shirts in the lounge, and shrug it on buttoning it all the way up. I'm slightly embarrassed by my bare skin, even though I am the only one who can see it. I inhale his scent that clings to it deeply. He smells like, wood shavings, Pine and the forest after it rains. He is earthy and grounded, and I love him. I think I want to spend the rest of eternity with him; 

_But he's not Edward.._

And That is why I am here.

He is stronger; less idealistic; quicker to find humour. Impulsive; recklessly so. Jasper Is not a martyr; and much more importantly he doesn't love me as much as Edward protested he did. And therein lies the problem. The reason why I am standing in Jasper's shirt and not Edward's. Edward loves me too much apparently. For that's the reason Jasper gave for Edward leaving. He left me because he _loves_ me. 

I remember it differently.

So typically Edward. The tortured martyr. For a vampire with his twenty twenty vision, he can sometime be incredibly blind. He knew everything about me, he could draw me in surprising detail; but he still can't see me. I am not perfect, or innocent, most certainly not worth saving. Maybe there is a reason I'm constantly being pulled into a life of danger. He holds onto the innocent notion of good and evil. Right and wrong. Darkness and light. He casts himself as the evil villain, and I; the young women of virtue. Yet nothing can be as black and white as he paints it. 

Jasper isn't afraid to taint my white virtuous skin with his black hands.

I am picking at my lunch when Jasper reappears. The chicken salad is even less appealing now, as I stare at the stain of scarlet that runs down his white shirt. There's not much of it, less than a table spoon, but I can't help but feel my stomach churn. My repulsion is mirrored in his eyes as my emotions hit him square in the jaw.

"It's Animal blood Belle."

His voice is deep and smooth as he silently manoeuvres himself behind me, rubbing my back soothingly with the palm of his hand. I let myself swallow.

"Sorry… I didn't…. I didn't think that.." I shake my head, wanting the visions of Jasper crouched over a lifeless corpse to vanish. 

"Sshh… It's… fine. It…""But it's not!" 

I swivel my body round on the stool to face him, my knees knocking against his legs. Shame shining in my eyes. "Your not…that anymore…"

I grip his face between my hands, wanting to burn my eyes into his.

"I am though…. There will always be a part of me… however much I hate it… that will be a monster."

I want to argue but his expression silences me. 

"But you aspire me to be better. Bella I see… in your eyes; how you see me… I want to be that person Bella… You make me better.." 

I don't know how to reply, knowing any words will fall short, so I crash my lips against his, wrapping my arms around his neck, desperate for no space to be between us. I pour all my emotion into the kiss hoping that he understands. 

Need for oxygen finally has me pulling away, though I keep my body as close to his as possible, watching a contented smile fall into place across his features. 

All traces of the monster are gone.

"You are already that person Jasper." And I believe it. 

He looks down at me, the smile changing. His hands smooth out the collar on the shirt I'm wearing, as he kisses the pulse point on my neck.

"I think you look better in that shirt, than I do."

His breath tickles my neck, as I squirm under him. In a blink of an eye his own shirt is off, and in the washing machine. but I can't stare at it as it makes it's cycle because I can't take my eyes off the god that stands before me, a marble Adonis.

"But I'm going to need that shirt back Bella… NOW!" 

I shriek; jumping off my stool, my hands clutching at the fabric. I manage to make it out of the kitchen, so I know he wants to play. 

We spend the rest of the day in bed. Both our weekend assignments are left un-opened in the study. They will wait till tomorrow. I never thought I could have this kind of relationship with a vampire. Edward always took control of the physical side; deciding what was _safe _and what was unacceptable. Jasper seeks no such authority; we are a partnership. It's not perfect, I have fading bruises and the odd scratch to prove it, but I'm happy; we're content. Yet I still can't help but think about Edward; constantly comparing my life with Jasper, to what it was like with his Brother. I'm happier with Jasper; there's no conflict, no stupid notions of ill-conceived chivalry. But sometimes I think it's too real. My time with Edward always had the feel of a dream, with happily ever afters, and knights upon steeds. With dragons to slay and sleeping beauties to awaken with a kiss. 

Edward was my prince charming, a knight in shining armour, how can Jasper ever hope to beat that? 

We're both enrolled in English courses at Alaska, not exactly Ivy league but it suits our needs for the moment. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier just to drop out of society completely. Though I enjoy my course I can't give it my undivided attention, always making glances between Jasper and the door. Half expecting Alice to enter, or Jasper to snap and drink the class dry. I shouldn't think of him that way. It's cruel and unfair. But he doesn't have the restraint of Edward, or the practise. he's learning though. And I trust him. 

"Why was there so much controversy surrounded by 'A doll's house', when it was first performed, in Ibsen's native Sweden?"

The question filters through the classroom, as I take another furtive glance at Jasper, trying to gauge his emotions through the colour of his eyes.

"Bella?" 

The lecturer, who's name still escapes me, is calling me and, my head snaps in his direction.

"Ah, Yes?"

He shakes his head as Jasper, lets out a badly disguised snigger.

"The question, Miss Swan? About the controversy and original boycott of the play by many theatres?"

I inwardly cringe at the use of my maiden name, but I keep it out of necessity. Dreading anyone from the university letting the news slip to anyone of my old life. 

"Right, right.." 

I look hopelessly down at my notebook, full of useless doodles, and a coloured in date. Jasper surreptitiously places his own beautifully written notes, with the exact answer I need on top of my own. I squeak it out, my cheeks quickly turning their usual fuchsia, keeping my eyes on the page, hoping that the teacher won't notice. 

"Thanks." I breathe out to Jasper, as the lecturer turns back to the board. 

I get the impression that he's not overly pleased that I came up with answer, probably hoping for a chance to call me out on my recent lack of attention, or maybe I'm reading too much into it. 

"It's okay Darlin', I know how hard it is to concentrate, sitting so close to you, unable to touch…" 

His voice turns into a purr as he breathes the sentence into my ear, causing Goosebumps to erupt across my skin, the colour on my cheeks now even more bright.

"Jasper Cullen, you are not playing fair …"

His old surname escapes my lips before I can catch it. He's not a Cullen anymore, both of using his human surname for enrolment here. Yet security is not the reason I see a small shiver roll through his spine, his eyes momentarily turning into two black orbs. 

"I'm sorry Jasper.. I didn't think"

I place a soothing hand on his back, as his stance becomes more relaxed; his eyes becoming liquid honey once more.

"It's fine Belle, I think it just caught me off-guard that's all…." 

I know he misses them. I miss them too. But that's where the similarities end. If he really wants to. He could go back to them. He left them after all. But I know he won't. When he first came to me I thought he stayed out of a warped sense of duty. Guilt over his involvement in Edward and his families desertion. But I don't think that anymore. I see it when he looks at me, the same way I remember Carlisle staring at Esme. 

Love.

And the lamb laid with the Lion.. Again. 


	2. Chapter 2

_Edward POV_

_I stare wistfully at the burning embers; it would be easier to lay in them -Let the licking flames consume my body- then endure this anymore. The constant thudding ache against my chest, if I didn't know better I would think that my heart is still beating. But a beating heart could not endure such misery. I am jealous of Victoria; her dust giving fuel to the flames. Surely nothing can be worse than this? She was my only distraction. My pursuit of her the only thing keeping me from Bella. And now she's gone. I had hoped it would have taken longer. That she would be more elusive. That Bella would have been long dead, before I could have taken Victoria from this existence. I hate myself for even thinking it. For wanting Bella's life to end. I had left to protect It after all. _

_The day with remain with me forever, the look on her face. The lies leaking from my every pore..._

"_Bella we're leaving" _

_I'm leaving you…_

A sharp intake of breath. She knows. She's got to know. But it doesn't mean she will accept it.

"Why now? Another year--"

"Bella, it's time."

_Your time was marked from the moment I came into contact with your scent.. _

"how much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

_But that's not the reason why we're going.. _

Her face is confused, trying to grasp my meaning. I feel the cold expression stretched across my features. 

_It's the only way_

Her pain becomes evident. I silently embed my feet in the muddy forest floor; to stop myself from flying to her side, kissing away all the horror my venomous words have caused.

"when you say, _we_--," she whispers.

"I mean my family and myself." 

_I'm leaving you… _

Seconds turn into agonizing minutes, her head shaking back and forth, as if that would change the outcome.

"Okay… I'll come with you.." 

"You can't Bella."

_We don't belong to the same world._

"Where we're going. . . . It's not the right place for you"

_Anywhere I am is not the right place for you…_

"Where you are Is the right place for me." Her voice is resolute.

_Poor Bella, with your backward senses. Always being attracted to the things put you in the most danger._

"I'm no good for you Bella." 

_I wish I was.. I would give up anything. For only one day of mortality. To spend with you in the light._

"Don't be ridiculous." The kitten that would be a tiger is back. Though she's not playing anymore, but fighting for her life. 

_Don't you realise that is what I am trying to give you?_

"You are the very best part of my life." she whispers

_You won't have a life with me…_

"My world is not for you."

_I won't have a world without you_

I can tell she's trying to think up a strategy; anything to change my mind. Poor Bella. I have had much longer to come up with a way to say goodbye. 

_To make sure you won't follow. _

"what happened with Jasper--"

_Don't say his name. The word does not deserve to be uttered by lips so sweet._

"That was nothing Edward! Nothing!"

_It was everything. If I can't even protect you from my own family. From myself. Who can I? I must take away the danger._

"You're right."

_You're wrong_

"It was exactly what was to be expected." The words burn. The lies convert my velvet voice to gravel.

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay--"

"As long as that was best for you."

_And I couldn't be more wrong for you_

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" The indignant edge has me reeling.

_Yes it's about your soul! How can you be so willing to do away with it? _

"Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you-- it's yours already!" 

I can't look at her. My eyes raking the ground. She's breaking

_I can't take your soul Bella. It would burn me. Your soul deserves to have company, not just a dead organ._

_No! I will do this! For you . You will have a life._

I stare up at her; refusing to see my Bella.

"Bella I don't want you to come with me."

_LIES! ALL LIES… _

"You . . . . don't . . . . want me?" Another tare. Another rip. I didn't know a dead heart could break.

_How could you think that? How could I say that?_

"No"

_YES. With all my being. And that's why I can do this. Why I must do this._

"well, that changes things." She's so calm. And reasonable. 

_Now for the final nail in the coffin._

"Of course, I'll always love you. . . In a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that's it's time for a change."

My eyes are cold, staring into the forest; because I know if I was to look at her I'd break. I'd run to her.

_I'll always love you Bella. . . Vampires don't change. . . I won't change. . . . Even in a hundred years. . . . A thousand . . . I'll remember you. . . This_

"Because I'm . . . tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human."

_But God. I wish I was. _

"I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

_I'm not. Even knowing how much this is hurting; for both of us. I wouldn't change one thing. I wouldn't change you Bella. For the world. For my own soul. I love you._

"Don't. . . Don't do this." I can feel the emotion, the eyes glazing with tears.

_I have too. Otherwise you'd be saying goodbye to your life._

"You're not good for me."

_No you're too good for me. I'm not worthy of it. Of you_

I hate what I see when I dare to look at her. She's trying to speak but no words materialise. She's resigned.

_YES_

_NO! Bella No! _

"If. . . . That's what you want."

_It's not what I want. But it's what must happen._

I don't trust my voice, so I just nod a reply. Then I ask something that I have no right to.

"I would like to ask for one favour, though, if that's not too much."

Now I understand what it's like to have an out of body experience. I see the breaking couple from afar; like a peeping tom. I hate him. How can he do this, to that poor sweet girl. She doesn't deserve this.

_Not my Bella. . . _

_She Isn't mine anymore._

"Anything." 

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" 

I can't help but burn my eyes to hers. She has to do this. 

_Or I won't leave. I won't be able to._

With a simple nod of the head I'm gone. 

_Bella you're making this too easy for me. _

"I'm thinking of Charlie of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself-- for him."

_For me._

"I will." 

_You'd better_

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It'll be as if I'd never existed."

_I wish that I didn't _

"Don't worry. You're human-- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

_Unlike me._

"And your memories?"

_You'll be in every one. Your face embedded in my sub-conscious. If I only had the ability to dream. _

"Well--"

_It will be hell._

"I won't forget. But my kind. . . We're easily distracted. That's everything I suppose. We won't bother you again."

_You'll be safe._

"Alice is gone?" 

I shake my head, gauging her reaction for Alice, against that which she had for me.

_Masochistic Vampire_

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Wait." 

She goes to reach for me. But she won't get there. I lock my fingers around her wrists; pinning them to her side. 

_Thus with a kiss I die._

My ice lips graze her forehead. One second of pure joy. An existence of pain.

"Take care of yourself."

_Because I won't be able to do it anymore._

_Bye Bella; my love. I'll never see you again. _


	3. Chapter 3

Edward POV

I cannot be strong anymore. I have taken away as much danger as possible except for me, the one thing that could cause Bella the most harm. I have toyed with the idea of killing myself. But quickly decided against it. The grief of my family would be unimaginable, I could not do that to them.

Or that's what I tell myself. But it's not the reason I am still here.

She is.

Who would protect her if I was gone. Her very own Vampire-angel. And now I realise it. I always intended to come back. I was more selfish than I thought. But now the thought is embedded, and I know my path. I will come back to Bella. Retake my place as her protector. But that's not what has me leaving my burning vigil. I need her. It's selfish.

I'm selfish.

I need to breath in her perfect scent. The burning fire that will encroach from my lungs to my throat. I yearn to gaze upon her. To feel her pulse beneath my hands. Her heart beating above my own hollow chest. To talk to her. To love her.

Bella.

And the Lion laid with the lamb. Again.

I know I must find my family first. Telling them of my intentions is the least I can do. And much less then they deserve. I haven't seen them for four years. The day I left Bella, was the day I left them. Only staying long enough to ask Carlisle to do one last thing for me. I didn't even say goodbye. I couldn't; knowing that their thoughts would be full of memories. Bella and I from a hundred different perspectives hammering into my head. It would be more than I could bare. I don't even know where they are, but they wouldn't be too hard to find.

I don't stay long at Denali. Preferring to converse with Eleazar before the sisters return from hunting. I have had enough of Tanya's impure thoughts to last a lifetime, well an eternity actually, and have no wish to relight her interest.

"Edward, how nice to see you." Eleazar opens his arms up and I reluctantly walk into his embrace.

_It's been too long. We are all worried._

I guess that was to be expected.

"It's good to see you too Eleazar."

I reflect his smile, more out of courtesy than any genuine affection. I don't really have a problem with him, but his association with the Volturi does not sit well.

"Is this a flying visit, or you are intending to stay longer?"

_Tanya will be pleased.._

"No, I'm afraid not. This is not a social visit."

His smile drops for a tenth of a second, to be replaced by a more forced one.

_He will be gone before they return from hunting… Tanya will be unbearable.._

"You do not have to tell her.." I hiss through gritted teeth.

Annoyed by his distraction with Tanya. Every minute that I waste here is a minute that I am not with Bella. The dead heart burns uncomfortably.

"Be fair Edward.. She would notice your cent anywhere.."

Eleazar sees my reaction and quickly changes the subject.

"What has brought about your sudden arrival Edward? Has anything changed "

_Something to do with that girl? _

My gaze hardens, but it does not stop his thoughts

_Rosalie informed me of his infatuation the last time she was here. How could one inconsequential human cause so much trouble? She was right. if they had killed her at the start, none of this would be happening. _

Another no go area. Eleazar can sense my anger before he hears the growl that rips through my throat. He brings his hands up in a sign of peace.

"It was just a stay thought Edward. No malicious intent was meant. Of course I wouldn't dream of.."

He lets the sentence hang as a vision of Bella's broken body flashes through my head.

_No._

"Can't I tempt you to stay. Please? We would inform Carlisle of course. Maybe a family reunion of sorts?"

_Well not a full one, not with some of your number still unaccounted for.._

My head snaps back to his; questioning; searching but Eleazar is far too used to my skills.

_I am not the person you should be talking about this with…_

his mind drifts to a mental picture of Alice.

"Right. Thank you Eleazar. I will find it out for myself then. Thank you for hospitality…"

I know that the endearment sounds false, but I'm past caring.

"but I will trespass on it no longer. If you could tell me the whereabouts of the Cullen's."

We both flinch at my use of the word Cullen instead of family, I am distancing myself from them, even now. I have to, I won't let them endanger Bella, however unintentional it may be.

" I'll be out of your way… It will be easier for everyone." He stares at me sceptically.

_Easier for who?_

But he is quick to relent, sighing in resignation; as he tells me what I need to know. I am gone long before the dreaded Tanya returns.

It surprises me that they are in Forks. I'd have thought that they would not have come back here. At least I know not to look for Bella in this part of the world. Carlisle would not go back on his word to me. Thoughts of our last encounter resurface.

"Carlisle, please. Will you Do something for me." He doesn't even need to think

_Anything. _

"I'm leaving….Now. And I need you to do the same." He nods vehemently.

"Why of course Edward."

_We will follow you anywhere you need to go._

"That's not what I mean. I'm leaving right this second….And your not to follow.." I can feel the agony on both sides.

_But Edward.. WHY?_

"I can't hurt her anymore Carlisle. It's not fair, you saw what happened at her birthday. I won't cause her anymore pain"

_And this won't cause her pain?_ Obviously he does not trust his voice anymore.

"Compared to the alternative this will be nothing. Forgotten in a matter of years. She will find someone…else." The word catches, my voice no longer velvet but gravel.

_You won't though will you?_

"Don't." Carlisle stops all thoughts in that direction.

_What do you need us to do? _

"Disappear. Quickly. Leave no trace. It will be like we were never here…"

_It will break her… Alice too; the whole family.._

"She will heal.."

I chose to ignore his thoughts on the family. Some of them will be devastated. My immobile heart aches for Alice and Esme especially. But others will be unmoved.. Rosalie and _Jasper.. _I will not think about him.

"And Tell Alice not to look for Bella. To block her.."

"You know that won't be easy. Her visions can sometimes be unintentional.."

"A proper block than Carlisle. Tell her to lock away Bella's future. All of it. Any mention! Anything to do with her!" My words are harsh.

"That won't be easy.. We probably will never have access to it again, if she does as she is asked.."

"I demand nothing less."

I have never spoken to Carlisle like this and I can tell that it hurts him but I must continue if I want him to follow through.

"What if she get's into trouble?"

"We are the biggest danger. And I will take care of any loose ends." I cut my voice off. This is the clean break I need.

"May I ask one thing in return?" His voice is an echo of my own.

"What Is it?"

_Jasper.. _

I feel my eyes turn opaque.

I release a guttural growl. I am not being fair. I am not angry with Jasper in particular,

_but everything that can hurt her.._

"I have not killed him. Or even shouted at him Carlisle. That is all the self control I have left now. Ask for no more."

Without waiting for a reply I fly from his study window.


	4. Chapter 4

_Edward POV_

_It feels weird to be knocking on the door of my own house._

_It's not your house anymore _I remind myself. 

I can hear their thoughts. Esme is bubbling with excitement. Of course she would be happy to see me. A Mothers love is unconditional. even if their son's is the worst type of human imaginable. 

_Human. I wish_.

Carlisle will be the one to open the door. Head of the household. 

They are acting as if they are meeting with an outsider. Any other vampire. 

_I guess they are.._

They have sent Rosalie and Emmett off to hunt. Rosalie knows nothing, and Emmett has been sworn to keep it that way. 

_Ah she was always one to hold a grudge._

But Alice's thoughts are the ones that surprise me the most. She has seen me coming; of course she has. Yet she isn't pleased, but is strangely looking foreword, as if anticipating.. 

_a fight? Why would she possibly anticipate fighting me? I would never hurt her.._

And then I see it from her perspective. 

I vanish. Without a word, stealing her brother and best friend along with it. Then Jasper goes. That's news, obviously what Eleazor was hinting about. 

_But why would Jasper…? Where had he to go? Peter? Maria? _

I suddenly feel guilty. if it wasn't for me, her family would not be in tatters..

I am still locked in her thoughts when Carlisle opens the door.

"Edward."

I nod a reply, feeling his coolness as he relives our last conversation. I walk into the white living room. 

It Hasn't changed much since I left, but my Piano is conspicuous by its absence. 

"Where is he?" 

Alice is mere inches from me before I recognise her. She is not the little pixie I left behind. I look at her blindly before she shouts 

"Jasper!" 

I am assaulted with memories of their last minutes together. Mere weeks after my own disappearance. 

They are in Denali, visiting; until they can make decisions about where to move on next.

"Your leaving." 

It's not a question and I can feel the sorrow in Alice's voice as if I'm speaking the words myself.

"I have to Alice, I don't have a choice." His voice is resigned.

"Of course you have a choice; a decision to make. Don't you get it?! All future is based upon decisions, haven't you learnt that yet?" 

Alice knows she fighting a loosing battle, the picture of Jasper walking away is so clear, but it doesn't mean she isn't going to try.

"I can tell that you don't want to go Jazz.. That it is breaking your heart to make this decision." 

The change in tack does not change the hardened edges of Jasper's pale face.

"Then don't make it any harder for me. Please" He's pleading now; 

and I can tell that both vampires are falling apart. When Vampire's experience change they are transformed irrevocably, and it was if I could feel every tear from both of them as they ended their relationship. 

Alice dry sobs won't stop and I can feel her arms grabbing at Jasper's trying to pull him away from the door.

"DON'T DO THIS!!" She's shrieking in pain and agony. 

"If this is about trying to bite Bella… I… I." 

He turns on her so quickly that she nearly falls, but Jasper catches her. His hand burning on her own arm now, as his eyes scorch her skin.

"What? Do you forgive me? Is that what you are trying to say? Save your breath. Because you can't" 

All venom disappears as quickly as it had emerged, the pain and resignation are back. 

"I can't forgive myself either. I know this will hurt, Alice. But It can't be any worse than what It feels like now. I hate the way you look at me. I hate what this family has become. I hate thee way everyone feels. All because of me.."

I feel Alice's thoughts. The _**No**_ she screams in her head is so loud, it's almost deafening, but she won't voice it. She's going to let him go. I see the back of his head as he runs. 

I am now pulled into a multitude of old visions. One after the other; all concerning Jasper. Always alone. He Hasn't sought out Peter then. Or Maria. One relief at least. He's abstaining; for the most part. Making sure he's away from civilisation; hunting almost daily at first. I can feel the time change. 

Over a year and half go by.. Jasper is growing closer and closer to civilisation, the thirst under better control. I feel a burst of pride seeing him enacting with unsuspecting humans. He's near Alaska when it goes Blank. 

Nothing.

He was looking for somewhere to live. Starting a course at the university. 

Then nothing. 

Wait.

Alice has him back again, a patchy vision, the clarity all gone. He's alone but there's something there. Something I can't make out in the distance. he's trying to make a decision, but what it is, is anyone's guess. Then nothing… 

The visions go and I am back in the white living room staring down at Alice's angered face.

"What did you do? 

How did you do it?" She's virtually screaming at me.

It takes a minute for me to focus.

_You killed him. My Jasper! Not that he's my Jasper any more. But Why? She was safe from him.. I would never have let.. _

But her voice is not the only one in my head right now. 

They have taken my silence as a confession.

_Oh Edward. What have you done? I would never have let you walk out of my study if I thought; for one moment that you would.._

Carlisle's thoughts upset me but they are nothing to what Esme is thinking.

_MY son My son. I love you so much, but how can you do this? My heart is breaking for you. But I don't think that this is something I have in my power to forgive you of.._

I can feel her love tangled with sorrow and disappointment. It nearly has me fleeing but I know this would cause more harm than good. There sorrow is overpowering, yet it is new. if Alice's vision of Jasper's disappeared over two years ago, why did they not search me out? If this is what they believed. 

Then it hits me another one of Alice's visions, that I am forced to relive. 

Standing in front of a pile of burning ashes, my eyes their deepest black. Oh..

"it was Victoria…" The utterance has all thoughts stopping. 

"What?" Alice demands her eyes still alive with flames.

"The pile of ashes.. The burning.. I was disposing of Victoria. That's what you saw." I look at her.

Still in shock. How could they think that of me? 

"Victoria?" 

Her voice is different. reflective, as if she is reliving the last visions with different eyes. 

I could feel her actively searching out Jasper in the multitude of futures on offer to her. Now realising, it wasn't that he wasn't there, because he was. But he was being blocked, something obscuring him from her sight.

_Oh_

and then it hits her 

_He doesn't want me to look for him. _

The hurt emanating from her is immense. opening old wounds that have just about begun to heal. She's no longer curious.

but I am.

A person could not just choose to hide their future's from Alice. If that were possible we all would have done it from time to time across the years. In more intimate moments; or when Jasper was planning a surprise anniversary gift. No; there was more to this, than we knew at the moment. I locked my eyes with Carlisle, and I saw him inch his head a millimetre either side. 

_Not now. Look at her this is not the best time. And it's obvious that he doesn't want to be found…. _

I nod slightly in agreement, I really had no power in this family to seek out my own theories, not that I want to, now that I plan to focus my life around Bella's. 

_Bella.._

I hear her name in Carlisle's thoughts and stare, wondering where that came from.

_He always has that face when he's thinking about her_

"I do a face do I?" 

I can't help but smile at that. Realising how irrevocably she has changed me.

"Can you two please, speak?! For those who aren't telepathic thank you." Alice's annoyance overtaking her melancholy.

"Your going back to her aren't you." Esme places a hand on my shoulder, quickly pulling me into her brace. It's not a question.

"Huh!"

_I didn't see that.. _

"What?"

"What do you think it means?" 

Worry slides down my throat cooling any ache that thinking about Bella had created.

"I don't know.." Alice bites her bottom lip, like Bella used to do when she would worry. 

"Maybe it was a spare of the moment thing?" she asks 

"No I decided to come back while burning Victoria." 

_Maybe we should stay until we figure this out… Before we go back to Bella.._

"No!" I stop her thoughts.

"There's no we. I am going back to Bella alone. I can't keep away from her. God knows I've tried. But I will keep the danger minimal. That's why I've come one last time. To say goodbye.."

It hasn't come out as tactfully as I have planned. I can see the hurt in Esme and Carlisle's eyes.

"I didn't mean it to come out that way. I love you all. You are my family. But she's my everything. I won't make the mistakes that I have in the past."

_How could you think that Edward. We would never intentionally hurt Bella… _

I can feel the hurt in Esme's thoughts, but it's nothing to utter despair in Alice's 

_How could you do this Edward? I LOVE HER. _

"Alice.." 

"NO EDWARD! 

"You don't get to argue me into submission this time. I love her. Like a sister. But I let her go. I abandoned her for you. And I could do it because I knew whatever I was feeling; it was nothing compared to what you were going through. But it's different now. How I can I stay away when I know that you are with her. _I've never hurt her _Edward. I've never been close. She'd be safe with me.." 

I can feel the insinuation in her tone. But I'm resolute. 

"Stop Alice…" 

I'm shocked by Esme. I've never heard her silence Alice before.

_I may agree with you.. But this is not the way to get through to him.. _

Carlisle's thoughts followed a similar pattern. Suddenly I am tired. For the first time in my immortal life I feel the need to lie down. I have come to them out of courtesy; not for their opinion. I notice my deference to my family. Maybe my exile has changed me more than I have noticed.

I can feel Carlisle shuffle his weight between his feet. His human reactions are second nature now. He places an arm to my shoulder, sensing my mood.

"I know this must be difficult for you Edward. After so long of fending for yourself. Answering to no one, but I am sorry, we will not let you make the decision for our family. Seeing as it is clear that you do not think of yourself as one of us any longer." the words are like jabs at my heart. 

Before I can contradict him, Carlisle continues. 

"No Edward; last time was different. You were in a lot of distress. And as a family we took the decision to leave, because you convinced us that this was the best course of action. We trusted you." 

I can feel my voice taking on all the petulance of a child's, as if I really am a 17 year old.

"What's changed?" 

"Everything." 

Everyone else in the room agrees with him. It's clear in all their thoughts. 

_But she's mine.. _

I know that it's wrong to think of her like that. Bella is not a toy or my possession; God knows I don't deserve her. But she gave me her heart…

"Carlisle.. . . Please. . ."

I'm begging now and I know it's not fare but it's all I've got left .

He won't look into my eyes; and I can hear how much it hurts him. How much I hurt him.

"Edward. . . .Don't" 

_I'll do anything to get back to Bella._

" Just go to her Edward.. . I can see it. . . So don't waste your time here.." 

Alice's voice is cold. Distant and I know that I've really hurt her.

"Alice-"

"No. Edward. Go. . . . But we will not simply roll over. . . . We will see her again. . . Trust me. ." 

And I can tell that it's their final word on the matter. Gritting my teeth, I take one last look at my family, before fleeing into the night. The last thoughts I hear are Alice's 

_You've been gone a long time Edward. Maybe she's done what you've always wanted. And moved on…_

_Anger and fear consume me as I uproot several small trees in my haste to rid myself of the vision that haunts me_


	5. Chapter 5

_Jasper POV_

_Beat. . . Beat. . . beat. . . _

I have promised to change her. I keep putting it off but it will happen soon. 

It's not the commitment that scares me; the rock on her left hand a testament to this. 

Yet I can't help but feel that I'm doing this out of purely selfish reasons. It's what she wants but I know that I will benefit more; while she will experience all the sacrifice. 

And I fear what motivates both of us. 

In a small way I'm doing this because _he _wouldn't. Because he couldn't. I want to show her that I am not Edward Cullen. 

And I wonder why she wants this. I want to believe she wants to change _For me. _

But is it to get back _at_ him?

Or To get back _to_ him?

If I could I would join her in mortality in a heartbeat. If only. For the first time I want to be human.

_Yet I'm not. Before even Jasper. I'm a Vampire ._

_My name dear saint, is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to thee.. .._

I have never wanted to sleep more than I do now. To loose consciousness in her arms; all dreams revolving around one word. One person.

_Bella. _

_Beat. . . Beat. . . beat. . ._

Instead of dreams my mind wonders to the memory of our wedding day. As cliché as it may be it was the happiest day of. . . Well my existence.

I've been married many times before. But it never felt like this. The weddings between Alice and I were a masquerade. Playing at being human. The vows false on our lips. The bindings between humans nothing compared to that of two vampires. I thought us above it. I was arrogant. I was wrong.

Christmas eve 2007 

As I stand in the beach. I know to take in every aspect of my surrounding. There is nothing of this night that I want to slip me by. My bare feet able to feel the variance of every grain of sand. My eyes picking out two hundred and eleven stars in the black sky.

It is midnight. The moon so bright I feel the gentle tingle of my skin; an ethereal glow emitting from it. Nothing compared to that in sunlight, but still marking me as different. as other. 

Peter glows similarly as he faces me, the smile he always carries firmly in place. And I know it's genuine; the joy and pride evident in his emotions. The fact that he and his mate are the only people in attendance, the only to every truly be in on the all the facts of our wedding is humbling to him. He doesn't see a vampire and a human. But two lovers. 

I can hear the stuttering heartbeat as Bella makes her way to me, peter's mate at her side.

My body stiffens, the need to turn round is immense. I focus on listening to her breathing. She's forcing steady air through her nose, trying to calm her rocketing pulse. If I was alive my heart would be flat lining now.

She gets to my side, her little hand laying perfectly in my own.

We fit.

The other two vampires gaze down upon us, but I cannot return it; my eyes staring at the beauty beside me. Head to foot in pure white. Sheer muslin drapes over the eyelet lace, to human eyes her body is covered. But my eyes know more. The intricate holes in the fabric reveal the pale skin; translucent in the moons glow. The lace accentuating rather than hiding her shapely curves. Her hair is pulled away from her alluring neck. The mahogany locks drawn lightly into a bun.

But this is nothing in comparison to her face. Her eyes chocolate swirls, swimming with diamonds of unshed tears. Her high cheeks shine with fuchsia. A benevolent deity, and I am only a devote follower, basking in the shadow of her unbridled emotions of joy and her beauty. 

Peter Officiates.

I hold her hands, palm up, feeling the circling blood beneath. Marvelling at the similarities in the tone of our skin. She is sparkling as well.

"I am here to witness the solemn promise between two people."

"Th' exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine." I whisper, more to myself than anything. 

Her hands squeezes mine.

"I gave thee mine before thou didst request it."

"Jasper Whitlock and Bella Swan, vow to love each other. For eternity

Time shall not diminish their feelings, only strengthen the truth in these vows.

I for one am proud to pronounce you man and wife." 

My eyes stare into hers. No words our needed. There is no question. Our course is set. Our love a given. I turn her palm over, placing the ring on her finger, lest it never move. She looks at me questioningly. We weren't exchanging rings. Our promise much stronger than any jewellery

"I want a physical symbol Belle. I want to scream it from the roof tops." A blush. The fuchsia spreading through out her body, as I show her my own, taking it off to show her the inscription. 

_Eternity._

There is nothing else to say.

I hear the minute change in her breathing. Knowing that she's drifting into a place where she will soon speak. 

"Jasper.." 

_Shall I hear more or speak at this_

I pull her closer; enjoying the steady thumping of her heart against my empty chest. 

I love this time of night. Yet the euphoria I feel at her words is always tainted by my anxiety. Waiting for his name to fall from her lips.

It happens less and less now. But each time hurts as much as the first. I would take the burning of my last human moments over this. I pretend not to notice; both of us sweeping him under the carpet. He's the elephant in the room. 

"I love you Jasper.." 

And that makes it all worth it.

_Beat. . . Beat. . . beat. . ._

I ghost my hands up her arms. my fingers coming into contact with the bruises that I myself have caused. I place kisses upon every blemish and bruise that I have inflicted upon her poor body. I hate what I have done to her. But she will not let me stop. 

And I can deny her nothing. 

I sometimes think she likes the bruises. She always talks about my sacrifice; how I'm defying nature for her. 

I think she sees the scars as a way of showing that she is willing to sacrifice also; for me. 

But she shouldn't have to.

And that's why I will change her. 

I'm not subjecting her to eternal damnation. 

I am fulfilling my promise

_Eternity_

By my side.

Or that's what I tell myself.

_Beat. . . Beat. . . Beat._

Several hours later, while the first glimmers of the sunlight filter through the badly closed curtains. One of the very rare mornings In sunlight. I feel her eyelashes beat against my chest, her breathing becoming more active. She's awakening….

_Beat, beat, beat._

Edward POV

It doesn't take long to find her. One call placed to the elderly receptionist Ms Cope at forks high -and I know-; she is only too happy to help.

"Yes Isabella Swan, Her father's the chief of police? Is that who your looking to contact"

_I remember both of you. School Sweethearts. Poor girl. no one could possibly compare after him _

"Mr Cullen -"

"-Edward please Ms Cope and yes it is, that's her. . ."

I can hear her heartbeat increase; even over the phone.

_How old is he now? Twenty one. Twenty two? Still too young for you dear. I wonder how he looks now? Probably even more good looking. Sigh. . . _

"Oh well, Edward. May I ask why you need to know? I know it seems silly. I know that you of all people can be trusted. But you can't be too careful. ."

_Eleanor; you're babbling now. Just tell him. He's probably just trying to set up a school reunion. Or looking up some old friends. . . Lucky girl._

"No I don't mind at all. You're right safety first. My family and myself are hoping to have a small gathering of sorts. Do you remember My sister Rosalie, and Emmett- 

_How could I not? He was the size of a elephant, and the sight of her made me get botox._

I have to bite my lips, not to laugh at her thoughts. If only Rosalie knew; she's be over the moon.

"- well they've decided to get married, and as best man I'd promised the couple that I'd help with the invitations. And I'm just seeking out a few people that we'd lost contact with. ."

Lying, just another thing, that comes easy to vampires.

"Okay. Here we go. Isabella Swan. Da da. University of Alaska. Half way through an MA in English - classical literature. Oh I'm sorry I don't have a phone number but I do have an address.. .

_Alaska? Why the hell would she go there?_

With Bella's grades she could easily have attended any of the many Ivy league colleges. 

_But when did Bella ever do what was expected.._

"Do you want it, or I could just give you her fathers telephone number.."

"The address would be perfect Ms Cope."

She reads the address out to me, there are no need for notepad and paper, the words forever drilled in my head. My photographic memory going into overdrive. 

_Flat oh36 Odessa House- situated a block from the English building of the university. It's comprised of thirty studio apartments, rented out primarily to MA students who need seclusion for their studies. _

I remember the Georgian outlook of the building. I have only seen it once, ten years ago, walking past it on one of my few journeys into the town for 'hunting equipment'. there was twenty five sash windows on the west side of the imposing building. An old oak tree dominates the western lawn. I had seen through the ground floor of the building the general layout of the rooms. Three cupboards making up the kitchen with a microwave and oven. I ascertained that the bed lay underneath the window, a desk and wardrobe on the opposite wall. 

I could imagine the small room holding all the possessions that were in Bella's bedroom.

It would be slightly care-worn; nothing brand new, but everything would be clean and well cared for.

"Edward. . ? Anyone else you want me to look up for you?"

_Bet he looks amazing in a tuxedo. . Even better out of one. . . Stop it! You've got clothes older than him. . Really._

"Oh no Ms cope. I think I can find the others. I won't take up anymore of your time.. Thank you. . . Really. I'll send an invite to her thank you."

_Yeah. . . Still too young. . . Oh well a woman can dream. . _


	6. Chapter 6

_Bella POV_

_He is first thing that swims into my sleep addled vision._

"_Morning sweetheart." _

_My lips involuntary morph into a smile, as I stretch my body; trying to shake off the lethargy that clings to my bones. _

"_Morning Jasper." I reply; letting my body move against his as I continue to stretch. _

_He traces inconsequential shapes across my barely clothed back. I look into his eyes; resting my chin on his chest._

"_Good sleep?" He inquires; a twinkle ever present in his eyes._

"_What did I say?" I mumble; knowing that it wasn't anything bad by the smirk that he wears. _

_Jasper rolls us over so he is looming over me; one hand on each side. Kissing his way to my ear; breathing in my scent._

"_I love you.." He whispers._

_My arms snake around his neck._

"_That's not news. . ." I reply, as I feel his knees capturing my legs between them._

"_That's not all. You __want me. . Now Jasper god. ." _he can't keep the laughter out of his voice as he sees with joy my whole body turning a fetching shade of red.

"There was also moaning, and very un-ladylike behaviour. You're just lucky I'm a gentleman."

I can't help but laugh at that; but it turns to a low moan, as he captures my collar bone between his lips; lightly sucking on it.

"yeah that was the noise." 

I am beyond words now, as his fingers move to the hem of my silk shorts. This is definitely the way to wake up.

I run my hand through the sea of soft curls that frame his face; even in these circumstances I can't help but marvel at the variety of golden shades In it. 

Jasper lets go of my collar; leaving a strawberry mark, which he chastely kisses, as he raises to a slight crouch above my lap. The light drifts in through the curtains catching the dust particles in the morning air. But that's not what holds me transfixed. Angular shards of light illuminate jasper's face and torso. The light refracting in a million different directions. It makes him look so 

_delicate. Breakable._

It's a stupid notion but his marble body has turned into diamond. The light morphing my vampire into a god. My fingers trace the exposed pieces of skin; moving up his chest. And then I see it. I feel it. Dozens. -No, more than that- of Small tiny rivets. I've heard the stories. But never seen the wounds in such detail. The dull clouds hiding it. Tiny etchings in his skin that are similar to the crescent scar on my own wrist. 

_Teeth marks_

Jasper's eye enlarge slightly, his smile becoming slightly nervous, but I continue my exploration; rising in bed so now we are atop each other. I find one such scar just below where his heart should beat; when he grabs my hand.

"You shouldn't have to touch it. I shouldn't have let you. . ." 

He starts to turn, away from the sunlight, when I kiss the crescent. My eyes boring into his. 

_I don't care. . This is part of you. . . And I love you. . . All of you._

I smile innocently, cupping his face in my hand'. he nods, as if we're silently coming to an agreement. He moves into my hand kissing my own battle scar, his tongue tracing the mark. 

"You're all sparkly…" I whisper, my voice small, my eyes big.

He laughs; pushing me back down into the mess of covers; kissing me passionately, his tongue tracing the curve of my lips.

"Thank you Jasper.." I breath into his mouth. 

"What for?"

"Letting me see you."

Edward POV

I am running

I am running to Bella.

I am running away from my family.

I should think this through.

I should stop.

I don't

I am still running

Running is simple. Logical.

My brain calculating the appropriate momentum, and force needed to propel myself through the varying forest; my feet barely grazing the green brush beneath me.

The reason for running is not logical.

But I am still running. 

My love for Bella has never been logical.

I have tried to fathom why I have fallen for her.

Of all the people. _vampires_ in existence I would love her.

'She was actually rather pretty. . . . In an unusual way. Better than being beautiful her face was interesting.

Not quite symmetrical- her narrow chin out of balance with her wide cheekbones; extreme in the colouring- the light and dark contrast of her skin and hair; and then there were the eyes, brimming over with silent secrets.'

I see it now. I was looking at the parts. Not the whole. I am not in love with Bella because of translucent skin; or a fluttering pulse. I am in love what all those parts create. Bella.

It would be fairer if we had a choice. If I could decide. 

I hate to think it but I don't want to be in love with her. 

If I didn't then she would be safe. 

If I didn't I would be content in my isolation, complete in my solitude.

Love is selfish.

I am selfish.

Because I am still running.

The wind pushes against my body, knowing that it's wrong. I'm wrong. 

But it's not strong enough. I laugh at it's attempts, always moving, constantly surging ahead. The air that rushes against my streamlined body; the freezing atoms of increasingly colder atmosphere are no match for it. I am ice and snow and freezing metal, the wind can do nothing. 

Nothing can stand between me and Bella.

Bella POV

He is all I can see. The room dissolving around us. There is nothing else. Every part of my body that is in contact with his is alight. Ablaze. His knees capturing my legs, the lower half of my body trapped under him. His hands move from my face to the hem of my tank top.

The kissing is sweet at first. Hoping that my lips against his is enough to tell him how much I adore him. The deep almost mahogany taste forces me foreword. I need more. My tongue licking his lips. I try to push up against them; they turn reflexively into a grin, slowly disengaging from me.

"Bella?" I can hear the question in his word, and find my myself nodding at him.

His thumbs rub small concentric circles as he slowly moves the top up my body. I gasp as the material grazes my nipples causing them to harden.

Jasper smiles at my body's reaction. I can't help but feel my cheeks flush fuchsia.

The top is over my head in a nanosecond. As he breathes freezing air over my taut nipples, the lower half of my body bucking unconsciously into jasper's. Another groan. My hands fist the duvet. 

He brings his face to my naked stomach, kissing my belly-button, swirling his tongue into the crevasse.

"Jasper." I yelp somewhere between a giggle and a moan.

His tongue leaves that place raising up my body, aggravatingly slowly; his eyes locking with my own. For all the world I cannot look away.

Purposefully he grinds his tented jeans against my silk shorts.

I arch my back, as his tongue reaches my left nipple, his tongue running over it; before he latches on to it, sucking it tightly; his hands circling the jutting bones of my hips, that peek out of the pink material.

I close my eyes as I start circling my hips; seeking more friction.

"Bella." the words are released into my breast; as he releases it, moving up to capture my lips, both moaning into it. 

It's an amazing kiss, but too soft; too chaste. I lightly bite his lower lip; sucking on it forcefully, showing him what I want. As I release it, his tongue invades my mouth; stroking my own tongue. 

While our mouth are busy, my hands move to his chest, my fingers splayed as they make their way unnerving to his jeans; attacking his belt. 

I release his lips in frustration, his belt refusing to open.

He laughs at my attempts, kissing me squarely on the lips as he removes both belt, jeans and boxers in a blink of the eye.

"Better?"

"Much" I reply as I feel his weight against me once more. 

I find a weird sense of confidence flush through me. I grab his shoulders, and turn us in the bed so I am now looming above him.

I know that he's okay with this otherwise he wouldn't have moved a millimetre.. 

I smile down upon him, rocking my barely clothed body against his. 

He cups me just below my breasts, bringing his hands down to my shorts; The only barrier between us now. 

His hands are claws as they rip the material off me, not wanting us to break any contact. 

Then I feel it. Grazing against my entrance, as wetness seeps onto his tip, both of us unaware who has caused it.

Before I can finish the moan it elicits I am on my back again, Jaspers cooling fingers stroking all the way from my clit to my entrance. 

"Bella. Oh my God Bella." 

One finger slips in. Then nothing. I need more. Much more. My hand becomes a vice around his wrist unsuccessfully trying to push him in further.

Then a second one enters, his thumb massaging the sensitive flesh it finds. The fingers stretch my skin, the digits alternating, turning searching me. It's as if I can feel every bone in his fingers. They are so big. But I know he's bigger. Yet the pleasure always outweighing the discomfort.

I am no longer in control of my body, clenching involuntarily; searching, needing even more.

I lock eyes with him. His a hooded reflection of my own.

"Jasper." I whisper,

feeling the beads of sweat generating all over my body, even in the frigid morning air.

And that's all I need to say. The finger are gone. They are replaced by a pulsing member. Circling my entrance. I can't believe that there is no blood pulsing beneath it. It feels so alive.

He releases a guttural moan as he becomes fully sheathed within me. 

We are one. 

There is no Bella and Jasper anymore just us. 

His open mouth seeks out my own. The kisses have a taste of urgency, my fingers entwining in his lions mane. I force air out of my nose, unwilling for one part of my body to be out of his grasp. 

He pulls himself nearly all the way out before slamming back in. 

His hands grasping my arms

I release a scream, my mouth pulling back. His finger catching a tear that falls. 

We both find our pace, both now meeting thrusts, each time he hits my most pleasurable spot, my vision blazes white. My brain suddenly ablaze in the overpowering colour.

Then I hear it. The most awe inspiring sound. Jasper's found his oblivion. It's not the growl of a vampire, but the sound of a man. The most blissful sound I have ever heard

For this moment he is not a monster, but a man. A man in desperate love. 

This is the moment that chases me as I follow him into the void. White light exploding behind my eyes. 

Then black

I must have lost consciousness because when I wake, I see a much more calm jasper, kissing his way lethargically up my arms, paying particular attention to the small yellowy blemishes that are a echo of where his fingers have been.

our bodies still fiercely connected. 

"Are you Okay?" He asks, his eyes burning into me. 

I've blacked out a few times during our time together. But he never fails to ask me. His eyes moving from my eyes to the bruises.

"I'm fine Jasper. I didn't even feel that." 

He nods, but the familiar crease creeps into his forehead. My fingers trace the lines, hoping to iron them out. I know better than to say anything else. Whatever I do say it won't take away his guilt. But we won't stop. Because a couple of scratches is nothing compared to the feeling I have when his skin touches my own.


	7. Chapter 7

Edward POV

I scale the oak tree that presides over Odessa house, in the early hours of the morning. Counting the appropriate windows, to find the room I am certain is hers. The room is cast in darkness but the curtains are not closed. It's four in the morning and she's not there.

_Where could she be?_

Out obviously.

_Partying? Drinking?_

None of these ideas matched with the Bella in my head. But she's not seventeen anymore. Time changes humans in irrevocable ways, their temperaments and moods being dictated by time. Something that I can never get my head around. I am much the same as I've always been. My tastes never deviating from what I liked as a human.

_I'm frozen. Stuck in the mind of a seventeen year old boy. However many years go by, an as wise as I think I become. I will never change; not really. _

_She changed me. Forever_

_That was special. The exception_

_I will always love her._

_But drinking, clubbing?_

It's not something that I would ever think Bella would be into. But where else could she be at this time?

With someone?

The one?

My hands reflexively tighten on the branch eliciting a moan from the wood.

My plan now seems so juvenile.

I knew that the sun would rise above the clouds as soon as day broke. My plan was to wait till she has awoken, tap on her window, hoping that shock would allow her to open it. She would be distraught; of course. Angry even. But I would ask her to listen, telling her that I could not possibly leave until the sun once again descends. We would have all day.

She would forgive me.

_Because she is forgiving_

_Because I would make her. Using my advantage. My otherness to make her forgive me_

We would be Bella and Edward Again.

The rose coloured future is whipped away.

I still don't leave my vigil though.

It's six am before anything in the room changes. Even though I am staring directly into it, I barely see the door of the room move awkwardly, as a staggering figure blunders in.

_Intoxicated._

The thought is a sneer, I can't help but feel disappointed in her.

The woman turns on the bed side lamp; flooding the room in light. . .

It's not Bella.

At that moment I can see, as if I was blind before.

The expensive stereo system sitting on the desk, accompanied by a top of the range laptop.

The picture on the bedside table. A cluster of friends, staring into the camera. None recognisable. The medical books thrown haphazardly on the floor.

She's not Bella.

She can't hold a candle to her.

_But what's she doing in Bella's room?_

I count and recount the windows.

_Definitely room oh36. Had Ms Cope got it wrong?_

_No I could see her staring at the computer screen in her minds eye._

But the truth was there, it wasn't her room.

I could feel the night slowly turning into the morning; knowing that I only had another hour of darkness.

I scale down the tree, with all the agility of a cat, making my unnerving way to the reception.

_I will find her._

I know instinctively that the man on the desk isn't going to be very helpful.

His portly figure is leaning back on the chair, behind the heavily laden desk. A revolting egg and mayonnaise sandwich never far form his mouth; scraps that have missed litter his security shirt_._

"And what do you want." He growls.

His sandwich spraying crumbs across the paper work. His eyes shifting from me to the clock behind me. His shift will soon becoming to a end.

"Hello I was wondering if you could help me-

"-look buster, in exactly twelve minutes I will be getting off. I have been sat here for the past seven hours. Seven you've got it. And I don't care if your room's in over a feet of water. Wait till I'm off and cry to someone who gives a dam."

_Just Fuck off, Preppy._

_Oh great, Ernie's going off on one. I feel sorry for whoever's on the receiving en. I better go save them, my shift doesn't start for a but I might as well.._

A woman in a Alaska university hoodie, and a steaming cup of coffee, emerges from the cordoned off section behind him; her short ginger hair in disarray

"Calm down Ern. It's not this guy's problem that you have a shit job. How about you get off and I help the young man?"

The stained Ernie, huffs ascent pulling himself out of the chair, and heads for the door.

"SO how can I help. ."

The woman's eyes finally graze upon me, her mouth falls slightly open.

_Whoa, thank you Ernie. _

"Hello. I have travelled here to meet a. . . well a friend. I knocked on her door, and someone else opened and told me that I am mistaken, I was just wondering if you could tell me if I've got the wrong room?"

I know it's a long shot, but they must know where Bella's been.

"Right, well if you tell me the name, I'll check our database, and find her for you. . ."

_If it was me, I'd make sure I was in the right place.. . Shut up Kim you have a boyfriend for God's sake_

"Isabella Swan."

I shine her a fake smile, as I hear her hands hitting the keys, a amusing look of concentration apparent on her open features.

"Right well I'm sorry Mr.."

"Edward."

"Oh Edward. Well I've got no one here at the moment under that name. . . are you sure that you've got the right place? There's quite a lot of student housing in the area."

"I'm sure." I repeat, wishing that I could search the computer myself, but her mind refuses to leave my face.

"Oh wait here we go. Isabella Marie Swan. We've got her in our database. Completing an Ma - in European literature ?"

I nod quickly, letting the hope build in my chest.

"Yeah she was in oh36, but that was two years ago. She moved in here in September 06. Ending her contract early in January 07."

"What!"

My hands slap the desk. Uncaring about the shocked expression on the receptionists face.

_What's got into him?_

"Yeah. As far a I know she's still here, she hasn't withdrawn from the course at least. But she ended her contract with us in January 07. Ah I've got an address to send an subsequent mail etc. . Would you like it?"

I don't even respond, just glaring in her direction.

_Geez he seemed like such a nice guy before. Jilted lover? Obviously, should I give out the address? Well he needs to sort this through, and he would find it out anyway.. It might get it out of here sooner._

"All I've got is a house in Jacksonville? Is that any help?"

I grind my teeth together. Another dead end.

_But she said about her continuing her course. I know where the building is that houses all literature and English studies. I'll get there before the sun and keep an eye out. _

_What if she's changed?_

_I'll still love her._

_What if she's with someone else._

_. . . . . . . ._

_Well what will I do?_

_Give her another option._

_Find him. Tear him limb from limb._

_No._

_He won't deserve her._

_Neither do I._

_The silent argument concludes before the woman has even finished speaking. _

_I am decided. Resolute. I will find her. Watch her. Be with her. _

_Because I love her more than anyone else ever could. _

_And even though I know she deserves better, I will be with her._


	8. Chapter 8

_Bella POV_

_I lay in the bed, the duvet covering me scantily. My breathing is slowly coming under control. I turn reflexively onto my side, staring at the clock unthinking._

_Shit. _

_9.14am_

_Forty four minutes until our first class of the day._

_I don't know if it's the stiffening of my body against his, or him feeling my shock at the time; I feel Jasper breathe into my ear._

"_It's okay Belle. We've got nowhere to be today." I hear the words, but cannot make sense of them. We've got nowhere to be? We've both got a pre 1915 literature tutorial to attend at 10 am followed by a two hour lecture. _

_I am about to argue when I follow his eye line out of the window, into the ethereal glow of the morning sun._

_Sunlight. . ._

It's such a rare sight in the state of Alaska that I don't even think about anymore. 

"Oh. . . " 

I stand slowly, my body now becoming accommodated with the low ache of my bones. It isn't painful, a good feeling, the kind you get after you've had a massive workout. I don't even bother covering my body, opting for a quick shower instead.

"Bella, you don't have to get ready. Stay in Bed if you want." His voice drifts in the shower, as I turn on the jet spray. I'm about to reply when I feel his cool skin against my own.

"Jasper. . . We can't. You may have an excuse to stay at home. But I for one don't glow in the sunlight. So I _will _be going into class today." 

I keep my face focused on the showerhead, unwilling to see the hurt etched on his. It's the same face he gets every time we are parted. The last time was the lecture seminar in Jacksonville of all places. It was to be a long weekend of talks and discussions, all in an open air amphitheatre. I knew that he hated the thought of being apart from me but I wanted to go, I could also see my mother, and Jasper knew better than to forbid me. I don't take well from being bossed around, my life in the hands of another person. Not after _Edward. _

A long sigh, "Okay, well maybe you'll get more work done, without me _distracting you." _

He's doing it on purpose. His breaths cool on my neck, knowing that my body is responding to his very voice.

"Damn Vampire." I mutter. 

He laughs at this, but thankfully leaves me to have the shower to myself. When I make it to the kitchen, wearing my sandals and a knee length skirt, I see Jasper sitting at the table staring at me sceptically. 

"It's not that warm out there, you know?"

I poke my tongue out at him.

"I don't get much variety in my wardrobe let me have some fun." I reply, giving him a twirl.

"I've got you something to go with it, if you'd like." I see the wry smile firmly in place. Through wary eyes I see him withdraw a pair of keys from his jean pocket

"Well" he continues "You'll need something to drive into school with. And I know how you miss being able to drive, even though your more than welcome to use the BMW." 

The car in question was a complete beast, worth more than both Charlie's and Renee's houses put together. 

He sees the face I pull.

"Well go and look at it then."

My stomach is doing its usual back flips about gifts, as I run out to the porch. 

There it is a deep blue rusty Chevy truck. Just like the one that still sits in the driveway of Charlie's house.

"Wow." I exclaim

"You like it then?" he enquires snaking his arms around my waist, pulling my hair off my neck.

"I love it, but where, when Why?"

"Because I know you miss your old truck. I thought about having it driven up here. But I don't think it could have hacked the journey and what with Charlie not knowing about your present circumstances." 

Even through my joy the mention of my father punctures the balloon growing in my chest.

"So you're getting better at accepting gifts then?" Jasper asks lightly; 

"Only from you" I whisper. I can feel him pulling me lightly into the truck. The faded leather seats and antiquated radio are just like I remember. I sit in the driving seat, shifting my body round to kiss Jasper at the door.

"Thank you so much Jasper, you don't know how much this means to me."

"It's fine. I wanted to get you something that didn't having you blowing a gasket. I got it ages ago, leaving it in a lockup until you went for a shower this morning. I knew you'd only accept it if you had a genuine use for it. Listen to the engine it even sounds like your old rust bucket."

I laugh happily, the melancholy of before dissipating as I close the door, letting the engine roar to life.

Slowly I edge out of the driveway.

I know that it's a mistake before I even get out of the truck in the college's car park. I sit with my hands still on the wheel, the light catching the shine on my wedding band. With trembling hands I move it to my middle finger; hating the transfer of weight. I hate the solitude of my truck. The sun that I once adored is now my enemy. I am dialling his number within seconds. My ring is firmly back in its rightful place. 

"Bella" There are so many emotions in one word. The lust and devotion permeating my senses, my body alight with electricity. There's worry there too.

"Jasper" I whisper loving the word on my lips. "I'm sorry. . . Its silly-

"- I miss you too." My heart calms at his words. He understands. 

"Please look to your left." Without thinking, my eyes rake the encroaching forest that is stopped by the concrete. Between the oak trees and twisting branches I see a figure, angular flashes of silver corrupting the green landscape.

"You came here?" I continue to whisper. I should be annoyed. I wanted to be independent. I wanted to Be Bella Swan for one day. But relief is the only emotion available. 

My need for him is unmatchable, even the necessity of air cannot compare. 

I do not care that I stumble out of the car; my foot misjudging the distance between the truck and the concrete. I rush un-seeing into the wood. The school day is long forgotten. 

My body hits stone as him arms grab me into a vice. His freezing breath is on my bare shoulder, eliciting a moan from me

Edward POV

I am sat in the Library of the English building; entombed for the next nine hours. The blinding sunlight is acting as my Jailor. I choose a seat at a table that will not bathed in light; but gives me an unhindered view of the car park and main entrance. There are only a few enthusiastic students that are in library at this time of the morning. Their minds hold no interest, so my own thoughts are free to drown in memories of Bella. It's at time likes these that I miss my Piano. My fingers ache to roam over the black and white keys; playing a composition full of melancholy and regret. Time wishes to taunt me. I have endless amounts of it at my disposal, yet I have wasted too much of Bella's limited Life span running away from her. I will not make that mistake again.

I pick up pencil and paper; letting the graphite flow over the unmarked white. The vision of Bella's sleeping form begins to emerge. I do not even have to close my eyes to see her; A seventeen year old Bella, with her whole life ahead of her. She is experiencing one of her many dreams, my name but an oath on her full red lips. The lines I use to create her sleeping form are swooping and morose. The more detail I add to the piece, the darker the tone becomes. I cannot help but feel so melancholic. I will never find the Bella that I am drawing. She no longer exists. I cannot help but feel bereaved for the years I have lost with her. 

_That unsubstantial death is amorous._

I used to delude myself and wonder if God in all his infinite wisdom had created Bella just for me. Was Carlisle right? Had all my years of penance for my appalling crimes, granted me with one gift, one ray of light, to brighten my dark existence. Yet I cannot believe it. Because this would mean that Bella had done something to warrant such punishment.

_Fate has a cruel sense of humour_

Bella is a now a twenty one year old woman, every day taking her further away from my grasp. She is turning into something that I can never be; while I stay the same. I take a look at my distorted reflection from the window. My body is supposed to be a weapon. A tool used to attract my prey, but surely now it will disgust her. I hate that I will look forever seventeen. My mind wonders back to the sleuth of admirers that she had at high school. They would have changed now as well. Their bodies will be longer, the last vestiges of childhood will be long gone. Everything else has changed except for my love for her.

I am still drawing on the paper –the pencil beginning to tear the surface with the excessive lines- when I hear the familiar sound of a Chevy truck. My eyes reflexively reach for the window; looking for any sign of Bella. I chastise myself immediately. It is utterly absurd to think that Bella would still have the same vehicle, after all this time, and the idea that her red Chevy would have made the long drive from Forks is even more ludicrous. Then I see a blue incarnation of her adored truck. 

_How ironic._

I am about to return to my drawing when I catch a look at the driver; who remains seated within the truck. Even with my excellent vision; the angle of my view and the reflection of sun against the wind shield, I can only just make out the silhouette. Yet something is stopping me from looking away.

_No it can't be._

Yet my curiosity refuses to be quelled; I leave my vigil along with the portrait, as I inch as close to the window as I dare. Yet what greets me makes me want to fling myself through the glass

_It is Bella._

I drink in the vision before me.

She has changed; of course she has. Yet she is still my Bella. Her hair is slightly shorter; no longer flowing down her back but brushing her shoulders. The translucent skin is just as ethereal as I remember; but it glows now more than ever, as if an inner confidence is shining through it. I cannot keep my eyes from her face. It is just as interesting as it was four years ago. Yet there are differences; she has grown into her wide cheekbones that no longer define her face. Yet something's will never change. The swirls of brown that are her eyes are still the gatekeepers to her thoughts. My eyes slowly move down her body, embedding every inch of her into my brain; whatever the outcome I will have this.

As I begin to take in the subtle differences in her build, and the more fitted clothes; a stray shared of light hits something on her finger. 

A solitaire diamond glints menacingly at me from the band of gold it lays in on her middle finger.

_It is one small mercy. . _

The air around me is thin as I go through all the possibilities. It could so easily be a present from her father? It is a slim hope. 

_Chief Charlie Swan would not be able to afford a ring of that quality. And if he did have any access to that type of money Bella would be at Princeton or Dartmouth, in a BMW or some other type of car that is a lot more safer than the rust bucket._

_It wouldn't be from her step father Phil either. As far as I am aware he is still only a minor league ball player and would not be able to give Bella that kind of gift._

I am being purposefully obtuse. For I do not even want to imagine the thought that _someone _gave her that ring. It's a sign of significance, the weighty diamond a sign to everyone to stay away. 

_It is as subtle as a sledge hammer._

_I would have done no different. But the Bella I knew would never have accepted such a prize._

But it is on her middle finger. Yet I fear it is not meant to reside there. 

_Does this hint to a separation? _

The single thought is my life raft. _I still have a chance._

As I continue to stare, willing her to come inside. My body itching to breath in her heady scent once more, she takes a phone out of the bag that sits in the passenger seat. 

And then she puts the ring back onto its rightful finger.

_NO! Please Bella. Please don't do this . . . I beg of you_

The words never make it out of my mouth.

I am stone, and steel, and can no longer feel anything but the oppressing weight of her desertion, as it wishes to push me into the bottomless pit of hell.

With overwhelming desperation I turn away from her.

_She has made her decision._

"I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It'll be as if I'd never existed."

_I can do this for her can't I? I've done it before; I've left when I've known it's what's best for her._

_But how could he ever be worthy of Bella?_

It is too late. I cannot leave.

So when she leaves her truck and enters the encroaching forest I can do nothing but follow.


	9. Chapter 9

Jasper

She is in my arms. She will never leave it. It's too late for her mortality. I inhale her scent enjoying the fire that is ignited. The burn is nothing more than a sign that she is near. There is no space between us, and I can feel the tight buds underneath her tank top. She didn't wear a bra.

I release a deep moan, as they rub against my unrelenting chest.

"Bella, I can't let you go to class today. Is that Okay . . .?" Even with my need for her growing exponentially I make sure that she hears the question in my inflection. She has a choice. She always has a choice. I am the one without any. I feel her head nod, in the crook of my neck. She captures my left leg between both of hers; rubbing provocatively up and down.

I release a moan.

_We won't make it back to the house._

I pull her into a embrace as I run within inhuman pace into the centre of the forest, making sure the exploits that are sure to follow will not be witnessed by others.

Ten miles in; I find a small glade; the trees creating a natural circle where the sun is allowed entrance. The grass is thick and lush. I feel her eyes enlarge as I lay her upon it; pulling her knees up to lay on my shoulders. I take one hand and raise it into her skirt.

"Oh god" I exhale, feeling no barrier between me and her centre. I look into her eyes, seeing the twinkle of lust that makes my cock twitch and ache to be one with her.

"Oh yeah I must have forgotten to put on any underwear this morning."

_I never stood a chance. . . ._

Thank God she didn't make into class. I hear another loud growl that escapes from my mouth. I hate to think of the other people in the class. The lust-filled eyes of twenty or so men

"Jasper" She whimpers as my fingers still before her core. Without preamble I rub my jean clad member against her bare entrance. I can feel the coarse fabric rubbing, causing a deep contrast between the rough materials against the softness of her. The lust that emanates from her rises astronomically, by the new friction.

_My Bella, Calm. . . _

I cannot take it anymore. I Use one hand to deftly remove any barriers between her and myself. The other hand falls beneath her top as they find the buds that were hitting my chest so deliciously. I pull them; grinding them between my forefinger.

"Mmm. Oh god Jasper More I need more." I feel her body begin to thrust up to my own. The belt of my jeans is too cumbersome. I rip both my jeans and Bella's skirt, throwing them behind me, not caring where it lands.

I look up into her eyes, asking one last silent question. Her head nods slightly, as they appear to glaze over in passion. I taste the emotion bubbling underneath the electrified skin…

_Passion. . . .Love. . . Lust..._

"Fuck. Fuck." I hate the expletives that fall from my mouth, but I cannot find anything more eloquent. I thought I'd be used to her emotions of passion by now, but I am once again shocked.

I don't even check if she's ready as I thrust into her weeping core.

A hand thrusts into the green ground. All my strength is pulled from my body as my hands pushes through the soil like a knife through butter.

I am hit from all sides. I have never been more pleased for my vampire senses then I have now.

I can feel the gentle breeze move the leaves of the trees that encroach from every angle. The fresh smell of pine and oak -one of the few scents that remained with me from my previous life- the tiniest change in temperature as my brain works out that a cold front from the southwest is coming; bringing clouds and rain in the next six hours. But that is on the periphery. I can barely understand them because Bella is here; there and everywhere. I can smell her arousal mixing with the scent of her blood, the shampoo that is ever-present and the beautiful smell of her perspiration as she exerts her body; bucking her legs to allow my body to enter further. Deeper

"I love you Jasper."She repeats my name like a mantra over and over, as I move a hand to bring her more pleasure.

She meets every thrust as I swipe my hands across her swollen clit.

I taste her feelings just once more. . .

_Epiphany. . . Blinding ecstasy, Oh god. She's reaching orgasm… _

"Bella I'm close so close..." She nods her incoherent head; as she thrusts into me again. Her body is tingling with aftermath spasms. The words are barely out of my mouth as I feel my engorged member spill into her, as she screams in ecstasy. But that is nothing compared to my own reaction. My frigid body is alive with fire. I am no longer a vampire but a man, a man in the deepest torment; because ecstasy such as this surely cannot be endured. The white light behind my hooded eyes blinds me. Now I believe that even Vampires can have a heaven; because I am in it. She is my eternity; she is everything. I can tell that she feels the same as I feel her body fall against my unrelenting one. She is unconscious.

It takes us an inordinate amount of time before we both gain back our senses. I am flaccid inside her; but I am unwilling to leave her. We are not two people anymore but one.

Her eyelids flutter open once more as she stares at me; releasing a moan of contentment. I feel my cock grow inside her.

I am about to fall into her once more; when I sense it, an immortal agony. My body begins to writhe in misery as his feeling becomes my own. I can here Bella screaming at me, but its a million miles away. She doesn't understand. She couldn't A beating heart couldn't contain such agony. My eyes do not need to search the trees. I know who is watching us.

A vampire in never ending torment. . . Edward.


	10. Chapter 10

Right so there might be a little confusion about the order of the story. After I originally posted the first 8 chapters I got a bit stuck about how to continue. I started to write again in Edward's perspective but I thought that it took away from the jeopardy of the last chapter, so I moved the new Edward POV to the tale end of chapter 8 right after Bella enters the wood, and reposted Jasper's POV as chapter 9 because I think it reads better in that order.

So this is chapter 10. (hope you're still with me!) Sorry it's a bit short but I wanted to post this on it's own before I finish writing the 11th chapter, that will definitely be longer!! I hope you like the direction the story is taking, please leave me your thoughts and possible ideas you may have they will be greatly received! I hope you like it!!

Alice POV.

_He is standing in darkness; always in constant darkness, a forest; an Alley; a street. _

The first few visions are quick flashes; one after the other. There is no sense to them; no context. I can tell they are out of sequence. Some are far in the future, others will shortly come to pass. He cuts a solitary figure, always running; never pausing never stopping; leaving death in his wake.

_My brother stands before me, yet it is like staring into the eyes of a stranger for they are blood red. He is not Edward anymore he is primal, he is other._

_It is twilight and I believe that she will be the first. He has met her before; briefly. But there is no malice behind her death. She is just unlucky; callousness and acquaintances are lost on Edward now; he is nothing but an animal; a predator stalking his prey. _

_A woman with short auburn hair is leaving the Odessa House building. She is still but a child to this world probably only a few years older than Bella. A phone is in constant contact with her ear._

"_I've just finished up. Don't worry I'll pick it up on my way. I'll be over in ten. Love you" Yet she will never make it. She is pulling a University of Alaska hoodie over her head to defy the evening chill. It will not be necessary; the cold will not bother her soon. To her human eyes he comes out of nowhere. She recognises him instantly. The inhuman beauty of his face has remained with her all day. It is the last thing that she will see. Yet even in this darkening light her eyes notice the slight difference in his features. The monster that has overcome him has made him even more breathtaking. His name is but a dying exclamation on her lips. If anyone happens upon them they will only see embracing lovers. The pain is not even full acknowledged as she crumples onto the concrete floor. It is quick; even now Edward is not a malevolent creature. He leaves her there on the street; she is no use to him anymore._

_As soon as her heart stops, he changes. The burnt amber of his eyes is now being infected; the red of his victim now bleeding into the irises._

Edward is Gone.

"No. Edward please don't!"

I can feel my arms ache to grab onto him; my heart-filled screams falling upon death ears. But it is all for nothing. He will not hear me; he cannot even see me; for the thing I am witnessing has yet to happen.

But it is so real.

_What has happened to turn you into this?_

Two arms grab my shoulders; the weight in itself enough to drag me back from the horror that is playing out across my eyes. For one blissful second it is Jasper that is grabbing onto me.

Yet even as vision begins dissipate, Edward remains. Two blood red eyes burning through.

"Alice?" I open my eyes to feel a concerned Carlisle burning his amber eyes into my own.

"What did you see?"

I take a slow steadying breath, even if the oxygen would be lost on me.

"It's Edward. . . He's, he is going to. Carlisle he's going to kill someone." Carlisle's hands dig into my stone shoulders, but I barely feel it.

When he speaks his voice is low and I can tell that it is with great effort that he keeps his voice calm.

"Is it Bella?"

I shake my head slowly, and I feel his fingers leave my shoulder. When I dare to look back into his eyes; I can pick out the tiny creases that knit in his forehead.

"But I don't understand Carlisle. It has no meaning or reason. . . All I can see is him, and I can feel it. I can feel agony and torment and. . . . What is happening to him?"

I am waiting for an answer; an explanation for Edwards's action but it doesn't come, Carlisle is silent.

He doesn't speak for a full minute; his body as still as stone.

"How long do we have?"

I let out a breath and close my eyes, willing the visions to be more specific; to give me a time Frame.

"We've got till Twilight; Tonight in Alaska."


	11. Chapter 11

Edward POV

A mixture of fear and anger grips my dead heart, as I watch Bella trip and stumble her way into the outstretched arms of the encroaching darkness. Yet I am stuck behind walls and glass, a prisoner of the light.

_I asked one thing of you Bella; one small plea- __**be safe.**_

_Why are you so desperate to endanger your life, when it is so precious to me?_

I cannot understand what could be so enticing that would make Bella enter such a place when she knows full well of the all too real dangers that it could hold. But it doesn't matter, all that matters is that I have to follow.

_And Bella always thought that I had all the power. _

_I am but a satellite orbiting planet, No, not a planet but the sun. She is my own personal sun. Nothing else matters but her._

It takes me five minutes to get out of the building; forever searching the sun-filled expanse for the sporadic shade of the infrequent clouds for a route to Bella.

As soon as I enter the wood I know something is wrong.

All that is left of Bella is her intoxicating scent, but that is not what has my head reeling; my body tensing; the predator in me coming to the for front.

_A threat._

The scent is undeniable; strong and cold; it clots the stagnant air, screaming at me:

_I am a predator, the ultimate predator; run or prepare to die._

_Vampire._

This is clear to everyone except for the blind little humans that stumble across this earth. I ground my steel teeth; of course Bella would be drawn to the danger. Yet the forest is silent; dead. Clearly no animal is prepared to accept the challenge.

But the scent says more to me. The trace of Cedar infects all the air that he has come into contact with; the scent both polished and worn, at complete odds with the Oak forest. The aroma is earthy and old, impossibly old, and it tells me one thing.

_Jasper is here. _

And it is the last rational thought I have.

I run, I run as if my life depends on it.

It does.

I follow the clawing aroma, knowing with grim satisfaction that wherever he is, she will surely be.

Yet I never get there.

It is nothing at firs; a tingle; a buzz; a calming static slowly infiltrating my brain.

Then I see her.

Her sudden appearance in my inner eyes has me stopping; the majestic wind now as still as stone.

I hate that I am seeing her through Jasper's eyes. The beauty that I am beholding is tinged with the notion that Jasper is aware of it too.

_My Bella._

A primal growl rushes through my steel teeth.

_NO she is my Bella._

I am on fire. I am burning; yet I cannot move, the sight the sound; the scent; and the emotions that I am being subjected to have too much of a pull.

_Jasper is pushing her lightly into the bed of green. Her eyes widen in shock as the damp blades prickle against her skin; but she is not scared; there is something else in her eyes .Is it Anticipation?_

I should stop this. I should run to her; I should pull him off of her and declare my un-dying love. But I do not. The only thing that changes is the vision before me.

For now when I look back to her; I am not looking through Jasper's hooded eyes.

For its Bella and I.

It will always be Bella and I.

Her knees have been pulled up to lie on my shoulders.

The skirt has been pushed up; yet it still covers her.

Her eyes are now full of lust. It is such a beautiful sight. The blood red of her lips is caught by her teeth. Her dark mahogany hair flows unhindered. This is a new Bella.

_This is wrong. Edward this is wrong. But I do not stop; my eyes drinking in the vision before me._

_No I will have this. I will have her._

I take one hand and raise it into her skirt.

"Oh god" _He_ exhales; memories of previous experiences flood through his lust addled mind.

_A beach at midnight; the white eyelet lace dress long forgotten; only the ring remains glinting in the moon light; lest it never be removed._

_It is his ring. _

The thought nearly pushes me back; but I force it back. It will wait. The pain will keep.

-feeling no barrier between me and her centre. I look into her eyes, seeing the twinkle of lust that makes my cock twitch and ache to be one with her.

All too human urges rush through me. Yet they are new. _Vampires can change after all. _

The monster is back; screaming at me to stop him. _She is yours. Look at the blood in her cheeks; that is yours; it belongs to you._

"Oh yeah I must have forgotten to put on any underwear this morning."

_I never stood a chance. . . ._

Jasper's Jealousy rushes through the scene momentarily turning the scene blood red. Yet it is nothing to the anger that will follow.

"Jasper"

_The word is shouted; screamed. And it is worse than anything. The ring; his body pressed against hers; merely flash wounds compared that one word; all the passion, and love held in two vowels._

And it is now once again Jasper and Bella. But I still do not move. I am a voyeur; a disgusting peeping tom.

_But what happens when I move?_

She whimpers as still fingers stop before her core. Without preamble he rubs his jean clad member against her bare entrance.

I can feel the coarse fabric rubbing, causing a deep contrast between the rough materials against the softness of her. The feeling is so strong; it is so real.

The lust that emanates from her rises astronomically, by the new friction.

_My Bella, Calm. . . _

_._ "Mmm. Oh god Jasper More I need more." He feels her body begin to thrust up to his own. He rips both his jeans and Bella's skirt.

The clothes are thrown without thought; landing on the floor like remains.

_The skirt is the only thing that I have left of her now._

He looks up into her eyes, asking one last silent question. Her head nods slightly, as they appear to glaze over in passion. He tastes the emotion bubbling underneath the electrified skin…

_Passion. . . .Love. . . Lust..._

"Fuck. Fuck." I can hear them with my own ears; the screeching growl that emanates from deep in the wood.

He is quick; thrusting his prone member into her weeping core.

A hand thrusts into the green ground. All strength is pulled from his body as my hands pushes through the soil like a knife through butter.

The thoughts take on a different tack. It is now as if Jasper is whispering in my ear. Non-existent bile wants to claw up my throat.

"I can barely understand anything because Bella is here; there and everywhere. I can smell her arousal mixing with the scent of her blood, the shampoo that is ever-present and the beautiful smell of her perspiration as she exerts her body; bucking her legs to allow my body to enter further. Deeper."

_And I can smell it. I can smell her. The evident arousal is mixing with the intoxicating scent of her blood. So much more for me. It is calling to me. She is calling to me. She knows that she is meant for me._

The monster within is screaming. My skin is crawling as invisible claws rake through the stone of my skin.

"I love you Jasper."

_I am screaming. I will never stop. How can I ever stop? The shock is long gone; a veil being pulled back to allow the darkness centre stage. She loves him. _

_No! You can't you belong to me. _

And then he reaches climax.

_It is something that I will never experience firsthand._

His frigid body is alive with fire; no longer a vampire but a man, a man in the deepest torment; because ecstasy such as this surely cannot be endured. The white light behind his hooded eyes blinds us both.

_He is in heaven and I am being dragged into Hell._

Love is no longer enough.

The feelings no longer matters. _Love;_ it means nothing.

_Blood; pulse; the smell of adrenalin Death._ That is all that I am able to feel.

_The monster roars in triumph._

I feel for the last time. All agony and torment is released.

I no longer have any need for them.

With the last inch of control I push myself away from the blissful couple.

What are your thoughts? I hope it is not too melodramatic. But Edward is always a bit over the top. Sorry if you're getting a bit bored of this scene but we definitely needed to see it from Edward's perspective.

To be fair is was quite difficult to write, because I do quite like Edward/ Emo-ward Lol. Please review, they make me smile Lol. And they help me to write more.

xx


	12. Chapter 12

Bella POV

He is screaming.

Oh my god he is screaming.

I have never heard a vampire utter such a sound. Tears burn my cheeks as I stare at him, knowing full well that where he has gone I cannot follow. The utter torment that infects his face makes him even more mesmerizing; even more inhumanly beautiful.

"Jasper, Jasper what's wrong?" My words are stuttering and quiet. They stand no chance against the screech that he is creating. His body is thrashing; fighting against an enemy that I cannot see, but I know is real.

I don't know what to do. My arms ache to touch; to comfort him but he stops me with a look. As usual I am useless.

So I am forced to watch; a perverse spectator to a one sided battle. The panic in my head is screaming at me to help him; to do something.

But what? I can do nothing. Who can I run to? Who is there to call?

I am so desperate that I even bring my phone out to dial the last number I have for Alice when he stops.

He is stone.

His eyes are wide; the amber liquid turns to black as he stares at me, the sight no less terrifying than his screech; no less beautiful. I am transfixed; and I can see it; the monster that is trying to take him over.

"Bella" he whispers; the stone moves. His traces the outline of my jaw with tentative finger, -as if I could ever run away from him- the monster is gone, and Jasper is back.

He is frozen for an immeasurable moment. Then he says it.

"Edward."

And I am now stone too.

Without another word we are gone.

I am carried like a babe in arms as the forest becomes a shroud of green and brown swirls. His arms are clamps around me, as though if he lets go I will disappear. Yet I cannot feel them; or the stinging wind that rushes to meet me. I feel nothing.

I am numb. Shock grips my body.

Edward.

Edward is here.

Edward can't be, he promised. He promised to stay away.

Yet there is no denying Jasper's reaction, _those screams._

Edward is here.

No, wait Edward is back there. We are running, running _away._

"Jasper, Jasper stop" My voice is nothing above the wind, yet we are still within a second.

He says nothing, but I can feel the adrenalin –or whatever Vampires have- coursing so close to the surface of his skin.

"We have to go back."

I cannot tell what he is thinking. The only thing that changes on his chiselled face is his jaw, which tightens.

"No."

"What do you mean no? Edward is back there Jasper. We need to talk to him." Even I cannot believe the calmness in my voice, it is the complete opposite of what I am feeling.

He doesn't answer me. The pain is evident in his features but I don't care.

Jasper is making decisions for me, Just like _Edward _had.

Then I lose it.

My slender fists bang against his un-relenting chest, doing more damage to me than him, but I am beyond caring. I enjoy the pain; at least I can feel something; anything.

"TAKE ME BACK. Take me back now. Don't fucking dare play this card Jasper? Now you are either going to take me back or I'm going there on my own."

When he speaks his voice is so quiet, and controlled, though I can tell by his eyes that it is taking all his concentration to do so.

"Please listen to me. I am not trying to control you. I just need you to understand. We have to run, as far as we can in the opposite direction, because the man back there isn't Edward. I felt it, I felt him change, as soon as he saw us, as soon as he saw you."

He saw us. He saw Jasper and me together. And now he's not Edward anymore.

He's itching to run again, I can tell. But I still don't understand.

"What do you mean? If he's not Edward than what is he?"

_Vampire_

My body reacts before I can, uncontrollable shudders, rack through it, and I put up no resistance when Jasper begins to run again.

I know that he was a killer; a murderer; a monster. Yet this was the vampire that saved me; the vampire that gave me a reason to live rather than just exist.

_You are my life now Bella._

Yet now Edward could so easily be my death.

But that is not what has me willing Jasper's legs to move faster.

He left me.

_He_ left _me_. I replay the mantra over and over, hoping that the words will make my desertion any nobler. It does nothing.

Yet I know that I have no other choice.

We have to run.

Or they will fight.

And I will lose.

So we run, it feels as if I am always running. I am even running from my thoughts which fly unnervingly to Edward.

_No, I can't. I won't._

We are in the house of glass within fifteen minutes. The house hasn't changed since this morning but I view it with different eyes, they search the white walls and immense glass, looking for an invisible assailant.

The sun is now at its highest point in the sky; though now clouds are threatening to obscure it from view. Jasper sparkles around me as he walks us to the door; the diamond skin and still bright sky are tormenting me; they are at complete odds with the gaping opaque darkness that my mind is obscured with.

Jasper stands at the front door, momentarily closing his eyes before opening it.

Edward is not here then.

Jasper remains silent as he deposits me in our bed. With increasing slow hands he starts to remove what remains of my clothing, replacing them with my old sweats and holey t-shirt.

They remind of me Edward, especially now but I say nothing.

We are still in the early hours of the afternoon but I am more than happy to go to bed; the pillows and duvet strangely comforting.

_It is a lot easier to believe it a dream when I am in bed._

Questions bubble away, but he silences them with a look. I am surprised that his skin isn't as cold as usual.

_Am I turning to stone too?_

"Not now Bella. Please let us now."

How can I deny him anything?

It feels as if the blanket that covers us is a shield from the rest of the world.

He covers my body with his own, clinging on to me for dear life. I hold on just as tightly. Yet his body never relaxes, still wound like a spring.

Is _h_e_ is expecting company?_

The idea of Edward entering the walls of retreat creates another shudder.

"Can I keep you?" He whispers, his eyes stare beseechingly up. I cannot help but part with a couple of tears at his question.

_Since when did you have to ask?_

He suddenly seems so helpless, so small. I look up at his face, knowing that with a few simple words I could kill him.

"Forever" I intone, brining my lips to his. Yet the darkness is still ever present in his irises, and I know that words will not be enough.

"Please don't cry my Bella." He kisses the track marks of my tears.

I take the t-shirt and sweats off myself; knowing that I am willing to shed myself of everything, for him.

He begins to kiss every aspect of my body, keeping his eyes averted from mine. He begins to speak, no he is lamenting; a man in confession, and I can do nothing but listen.

I am scared.

_I am scared too._

I am scared of you Bella.

_How could I ever frighten you?_

I Fear what you could do to me, for you could kill me so easily.

_But I never would, yet I don't think in my heart of hearts, that I could kill Edward either._

It would be so easy because I belong to you.

You are everything, and without you I am but a myth, a childish tale told to frighten children

You breathe for me; your lungs holding all the air I need. Your heart beats twice as fast because mine cannot.

_You are my life now Bella._

With the stolen lines ringing in my ears I am plunged into an unwanted sleep.

He is still speaking; or is it a dream?

_I deserve you even less._

_I am much more a monster. He killed the unworthy; the murderers and the rapists._

_I stalked the strong; the brave and the courageous._

_I have sired a hundred or more killers._

_And yet what I regret most is my thoughts, the thoughts that begged me to kill you._

_It was not the Vampire that wanted you dead, but the man, Jasper, me._

_He can blame it on our affliction, the monster within that thirsted after you. _

_Yet I have no such excuse. _

_I am a killer; such a greater monster,_

_Yet you tamed me._

_I am a lion in chains; a muzzled wolf, or even a vampire in love._

_Hope you like it. The next chapter should be from Jasper's POV but I haven't written yet so in truth what happens next is anyone's guess. I tried to show Jasper's insecurities in this chapter because Edward will always be her first love._

_As always please review._


	13. Chapter 13

_Thank you all very much for the positive reviews I have been receiving. Sorry about the little delay, life has been a bit crazy, and as is common with me I kind of just took off for a couple of days. Drove to the sea and lived out of my car, sounds quite bohemian or at least that's what I thought, but needs for clean clothes and hot water brought me back home, Lol. but thankfully a friend of mine put up my last chapter of what if but I had to tweak this chapter of this story a bit more, because it's been a little bugger to complete. I knew what I wanted to happen but I find writing Jasper's POV a bit of a challenge because I wanted to make sure that after his outpourings in the last chapter I wanted to show that he is not completely mushy and all scared, yummy growl Jasper is making an appearance._

_Please review, it is almost as good as a naked Cullen (preferably Jasper) on toast with marmite yum._

Jasper POV

_I will stay with you forever._

Yet Bella will never know how hard it is to lay with her tonight; knowing that the most dangerous thing to her, to us, is only a matter of miles away.

Yet I stay.

_Because I can never leave her. . ._

_Because I've changed, I'm no longer a monster._

_Yes I am._

Every certainty, every assurance has been taken away, leaving nothing but doubt.

I know she loves me, She says it with every breath; every look she bestows upon me.

But is it enough?

Am I enough?

That's why I ran, why I took her and left.

I cannot bear to let her choose.

I cannot bear to let her consider _him._

So here we lay. She is in a fitful sleep, her body thrashing against the covers, I ache to touch her but I remain frozen, a perverse voyeur.

Yet my mind is racing. I finally allow it to look beyond Bella to the man that has turned into a beast.

My brother; can I even call him that anymore?

I am so confused; schizophrenic even. Edward is my brother, but Bella is my wife, she's everything to me.

Edward is becoming more and more like me with every step he allows the monster to take for him. A small part of me welcomes it, wanting him to make himself no better than I; to make the fight for Bella's heart a more even battlefield.

_A fight, is that what's it's come to?_

_Yes, if that's what it takes. . . _

For I know with utmost certainty that he will come back, how could he not? Even in his altered state, Bella will call to him, her blood will sing to him, and he can do nothing but be drawn in.

And so our courses are set, the future is now pre-determined, yet I will bestow upon him one act of kindness.

Edward is my brother and even the greatest of killers are capable of compassion, of acts of mercy.

With assurances that Bella will remain asleep for the foreseeable future, I slip out and Phone Alice.

Alice POV

Carlisle stares at me as if expecting another revelation.

"That's it; there's nothing more, everything is black, and there is nothing."

He nods but I know there's more. I know what he wants to ask.

"I can't see Bella anymore Carlisle. You know what he made me do, what you made me do." The accusatory tone is not intentional but I won't apologise for it.

The memories of the argument are never far from the surface, and I inwardly blanch at them; hoping that the cold look in Carlisle's eyes will one day fade from my own.

"Isn't there a way, some way to find out if Bella's okay?"

He looks at me with such hope; such blind trust but I want to scream at him.

"Don't do this Carlisle, please. I can't see her, and even if I could, what good would it do? My premonitions couldn't stop Jasper; he still left. I saw him go, and I could do nothing to stop it."

Carlisle knows better than to comfort me, I am beyond such consolation. His hand moves to the silver phone on the table but I stop him.

"They'll take too long. They'll be deep into the Peninsula by now; Emmet is determined to find himself a grizzly." I plant a fake smile on my face.

"But I should at least tell them-

"-Leave a note. A phone call would only cause problems; Rosalie won't be able to control herself, you know how she loves to be the centre of attention."

I release a shrill peel of false laughter as I watch Carlisle write the note in his elegant script, letting them know that we have gone after Edward, but he doesn't write why; it is better that way.

Of course he would go along with whatever I said.

Since when could Carlisle ever bet against the psychic?

The word burns my thoughts. Is this how they see me now? The mad old soothe sayer in the corner.

I hate what this gift has done to me. I control the others around me by holding their futures over them like a threat.

I jump in the driver's seat of the Vanquish –Rosalie's new baby- and floor it, barely glancing to the passenger side to see of Carlisle has made it there.

We are already twenty miles north of Forks when my cell phone begins to ring.

"Edward" I breathe, my brain struggling for once to concentrate on the road.

"No it's Jasper."

I can't remember putting my foot on the break, but when I finally regain my senses, the car is motionless in the middle of the deserted road, and Carlisle is looking at me with concerned eyes.

"Alice, you ok?" Carlisle and Jasper ask the same question within seconds of each other.

_What kind of question is that?_

"Is it really you?"

"Yes"

The wound in my heart is stretched wide open and weeping once more.

There is so much that I want to ask, so many questions and declarations that I want give to him, but the tone of his voice quells them all.

"I'm sorry that I've phoned. I know that I have no right anymore-

_Of course you do, you have every right, you are my husband; my love. . _

But I do not have the breath to utter such words and he continues unchallenged.

"-But Alice, I need your help, Edward needs your help."

That does it; that name does it. All thoughts; every ache that Jasper's voice creates is silenced by the name. .

"Edward, you've seen Edward? Please Jasper if you're anywhere near, please stop him, oh my god you've got to stop him. ."

Carlisle's eyes reach my own and I know that he is able to hear every word of the conversation but he will not interfere; yet.

"Alice, Alice please calm down. What do you mean I've got to stop him? What's he going to do? Alice speak to me. . "

I am silent for nearly an entire minute, sixty seconds of my mind racing in ever decreasing circles.

_Jasper, Edward. How does he know about Edward? Unless Edward always knew about Jasper's whereabouts, and he went there instead of trying to find. . _

"Bella"

"What did you say?" There is venom and malice in his tone, but I barely register it as the cogs continue to turn seamlessly.

"Tell me you didn't. Tell me you didn't Jasper. Is that why Edward's there?

why he will turn, _like that?_

Did you find her.

Did you kill her. ."

I am shouting but I don't seem to care, because all the jagged edges are beginning to fit together and I cannot bear to look at the picture they are creating.

"Alice"

"Tell me you didn't kill Bella Swan."

His reply is nothing but a growl.

"I haven't killed Bella. I could never. . . I lo. . ."

Coherency seems beyond him at this point but when he continues jasper's voice is once again polished.

"Alice just get here as soon as possible, and find Edward, before he finds Bella. If he does, if he comes to us; if he tries to hurt her, I will destroy him."

And without another word the line goes dead.


	14. Chapter 14

_Hi just another little note. First of all thanks for all the amazing reviews a a particular shout out and thank you to sonic nurse for her amazingly encouraging and lovely reviews, thank you for introducing my story to others, that's really kind. I hope that future chapters live up to it. _

_I don't really have a plan for how the story ends, but be assured I don't think I'll leave on it a cliffy as I hate it when other people do it Lol._

_I apologise to some of the other readers who have written to say that they are a bit confused, it was kind of intentional but I never intended to leave you hanging for so long._

_Just to clear it up, Alice is not aware of where Jasper has been since he left her. (He doesn't know anything about his marriage to Bella)_

_She cannot have visions of him since his life has become entangled with Bella._

_It will all be cleared up in later chapters, so hold tight!!_

_P.S I would love to hear your thoughts on this bit because this chapter wasn't supposed to exist but it popped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone, it's quite melodramatic please review!!_

Bella POV

_I am a lion in chains; a muzzled wolf, or even a vampire in love_

Jasper's words swirl through my conscious as I struggle to look at him. I need to stare into his eyes, I need to exchange his own words with my own, but my eyes refuse my command, as they lock me into darkness.

Everything is torn away, I cannot even feel his cold arms around me, or the covers that are gathered around my form.

There is nothing and I know that I am screaming but I can hear nothing but the oppressive silence.

My body thrashes and flails against the darkness, but I hit nothing.

It could be a minute or an hour, when I see the first glimmers of colour bleeding into the black. The emptiness slowly changes; blades of grass and trees appear, familiarity clinging to every little detail.

This is a dream.

It must be a dream, it has to be.

For I am in a meadow; the meadow.

_Our meadow_.

_I am not, I am in bed, and I'm going to wake at any moment._

I slam my eyes shut and take a steadying breath but it has the opposite effect. There are the smells of violets; freesia and other wild flowers.

The sound of rustling leaves, and branches gently whisper in the background.

_This is a dream._

I can feel the wind that gently caresses my skin; turning from cool to warm.

The dark behind my lids shifts as I feel the sun gazing down upon me.

_No I can't. There is no breeze nor sun, I am asleep, I am in bed._

With increased hesitance I open my eyes very slowly.

_When I open them I will be between the sheets, with Jasper._

It is incredibly bright and vivid, as the vision swirls into life in front of me.

The meadow is just as I remember, but completely different at the same time.

Everything is so clear, as if I was blind before, the air is virtually shimmering under the gaze of the sun.

I can make out every individual blade of grass, every leaf that adorns the crowding forest.

The meadow is more real than anything that I have experienced while awake.

Yet everything pales into insignificance when I hear his voice. Angels have nothing on the man that stands behind me.

"Do you like it?" He whispers; his breath is so close to my neck; cold, like everything else about him.

I shiver, desperate not to turn round.

"Edward" I let out his name in a sigh; the familiar tingle that he always elicits begins to electrify my skin, but I still manage to keep my back to him.

"Yes my love-"

"-Don't" I counter, because at present I am still upright but his proximity is having it's usual effect, and I know that within moments his hands will be on me.

_This is a dream, this is a dream, it has to be._

"Of course it is Bella. But that doesn't mean it's not real"

_Stay away from him, he is dangerous._

_Do not let him touch you._

The voice of caution that used to hound me in my more destructive times after Edward's desertion is back, yet it is no longer Edward pleading for my life, but Jasper.

When Edward's fingers some into contact with my skin I can't help but intake a sharp breath.

"Have you finally realised the danger I pose Bella?"

_Remain still, do not turn round._

Venom coats every word and I now realise that this is not the vice of my lost love. Edward has disappeared to be replaced by a monster; something incredibly dangerous, a vampire.

"Edward would never harm me, he may have done a lot of things. he may have ran away from me, he may have hurt me with his words, but those were the acts of a man, not a monster."

My body is no longer my own as I turn so that I am within hairsbreadth of him.

Jasper voice is no longer a whisper, but a scream, a howl.

_Don't do this._

My breath once again catches as I survey the creature in front of me. His skin is bathed in light, showcasing the flawless diamond of his torso. It is so different to Jasper, whose impurities are displayed for all to see in the light.

Yet it is the eyes which hold me transfixed; blood red burning into brown.

_The eyes of a killer_

The vengeful god has come to claim his prize.

"You are not Edward. Take what you came here for. ."

The smile he bestows upon me is feral and beautiful in equal measure; his razor sharp teeth glinting in the sun..

But I still cannot make myself fear him.

For even in a small part he is still Edward.

An inappropriate feeling of calm floods my system; all adrenalin dissipates.

And I am once again his to do with as he pleases.

An elegant finger traces the length of my neck, and all sounds disappear except for the gentle thudding of my heart; the persistent surge of blood.

For a second Edward is in place of monster; the red eyes cloud with darkness, and a terrified expression mangles his perfect features.

"No. . .Bella. . .Not you. . . . Anyone but you. . ."

I close my eyes not wanting to see his pained expression anymore.

But I cannot stop myself from hearing it.

At first it is just Jasper's pained voice

_Hold on, Please. do not go somewhere where I cannot follow. . _

I almost smile at this of course he would be there, it would not be heaven if Jasper was not by my side.

"Bella, Bella. Please don't make me do this, oh god. . If I could have one wish, it would be that I never met you. . ."

Edward's words cause more pain then his body could ever inflict on me.

Tears fall as I realise that even if this is how it ends I will never regret meeting Edward Cullen.

I gently arch my neck to the side, resigned to my fate.

Finally at peace.

Images of Jasper flutter across the inside of my closed lids as I utter a silent prayer for the two great loves of my life.

They deserve better than this.

Teeth tear into the skin of my neck, as blood weeps from me, strengthening the creature that is looming over me.

Yet all I can feel is relief.


End file.
